whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
