oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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