hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
