i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
