yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
