waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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