i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
