If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
