No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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