I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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