i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
