I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
