i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
