So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
