Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
