i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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