So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
