he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
