I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
