What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i already hear my dad disowning me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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