A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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