Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
