seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
