im drinking this country out of the recession.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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