there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
