People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
