I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
