i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
