it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
