exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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