God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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