HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
there is puke in my bra ... again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
