I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
