Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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