the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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