so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
