Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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