im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
a search helicopter?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
