is your mom at the bar?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
