tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
