i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
