i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
