We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Its about making memories worth repressing
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
