he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just high enough for therapy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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