My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
