i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
