I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
