My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
