I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
