I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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