I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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