She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
