I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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