oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
