Im at strip club and am horny
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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