he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
