Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
