Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
