plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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