I think I just saw someone hide a body.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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